(a rambling letter to the one who understands said ramblings)

“Coffee and Dreams”

Hey Lady J,

Do you remember the prettier times? Times of unencumbered freedom to think and feel, to be whimsical and intentionally fleeting. Oh and remember the feeling of belonging and acceptance. You Do? I want this memory to be here and now. Even looking back at the kitchen table… sipping coffee and the workings of your mind with fondness and sleepy eyes. Spaceship trips to find Rod Stewart, and across the map. They seem conjured and at arms length with what was possibly reality. Far from truth, but a fantasy. Fantasy a place where comfort usually comes, now a distant place of mistrust.

In the throws of this mistrusted state it seems that only in past was when clarity was possible. That laughter and hope were attainable. And yet the past was peppered with perpetual pessimism.

These chats would follow the path to the big Why. Suffer? For what? Purpose? Why is it that we do what we do? Worry did and does not serve and yet it seemed ever-present. Attempting to live up to the mind trap. The expectations of others upon self, only projected from self. What madness was this?

Hey Lady J, What do you say? Why does my pendulum sway? I don’t always remember to, but I miss you every day…

-Chad